About

I’m the cross product of two lefties claiming to always be in their right minds. In addition to the “you” replacing her “I”, the “h” in my mother’s hippy has a screw loose and is swinging dangerously close to yuppy. My father resembles the unlikely love-child of an anarchist and a socialist and it’s a well-known-fact that he wishes he never had to come inside. My puppy rings a bell on the door when she has to tinkle and my boyfriend reads vampire novels in the bathtub. I have no real god-parents, but I love my fake ones more than words and my 14-year old cousin has no idea that I’m his biggest fan. My dog has a thyroid disorder, my grandma wears a toe-ring, and my grandpa says garbage trucks sound like dinosaurs in the morning.

I’m allergic to cold water and I can’t stand cucumbers. I’m 2-for-3 in eating contests and, whenever possible, I avoid stepping on cracks. I have skinny arms & a hollow leg, and I like holding hands while wearing mittens. I make up songs when I’m not paying attention, I forget common words when I am, and I doodle on tablecloths with my fingers when you aren’t. I love thunderstorms and good coffee, I wish skin was transparent, and I think they should be called, “week-beginnings”, not “ends”. I (almost) guarantee that I can burp louder and spit further than anyone you know. My life is filled with subtitles and my dreams are in color. I’m an adrenaline junkie, I scarcely get lost, and my life goals include driving a zamboni, standing next to an entire NBA basketball team, & sticking someone with an epi-pen. I don’t know what I want, but I do what I don’t. The glass is half full and you should finish it before you start another. I’ve been called; “loyal as a pup”, “unpredictable as a firecracker”, and “slow as molasses”. Quirky as shit and not much of a swimmer, but I’d say that

I’m one-helluv-an-oops.

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