I’m the cross product of two lefties claiming to always be in their right minds. In addition to the “you” replacing her “I”, the “h” in my mother’s hippy has a screw loose and is swinging dangerously close to yuppy. My father resembles the unlikely love-child of an anarchist and a socialist and it’s a well-known-fact that he wishes he never had to come inside. My puppy rings a bell on the door when she has to tinkle and my boyfriend reads vampire novels in the bathtub. I have no real god-parents, but I love my fake ones more than words and my 14-year old cousin has no idea that I’m his biggest fan. My dog has a thyroid disorder, my grandma wears a toe-ring, and my grandpa says garbage trucks sound like dinosaurs in the morning.
I’m allergic to cold water and I can’t stand cucumbers. I’m 2-for-3 in eating contests and, whenever possible, I avoid stepping on cracks. I have skinny arms & a hollow leg, and I like holding hands while wearing mittens. I make up songs when I’m not paying attention, I forget common words when I am, and I doodle on tablecloths with my fingers when you aren’t. I love thunderstorms and good coffee, I wish skin was transparent, and I think they should be called, “week-beginnings”, not “ends”. I (almost) guarantee that I can burp louder and spit further than anyone you know. My life is filled with subtitles and my dreams are in color. I’m an adrenaline junkie, I scarcely get lost, and my life goals include driving a zamboni, standing next to an entire NBA basketball team, & sticking someone with an epi-pen. I don’t know what I want, but I do what I don’t. The glass is half full and you should finish it before you start another. I’ve been called; “loyal as a pup”, “unpredictable as a firecracker”, and “slow as molasses”. Quirky as shit and not much of a swimmer, but I’d say that